Haven't blogged for a while, I am sure there is much to chat up on.

Lets get the end of post comp out of the way first. We had a workshop a week ago, i planned to "shred" the two weeks before, yep, that lasted 4 days. How did i manage 12 weeks? It seems without the deadline of a competition date ahead, food is a problem, the switch in my head which stopped me from cheating on my plan was switched off and there was no way known that i could control what goes in my mouth. Not good for the mind, body or soul.

In my head, all my problems with food/weight etc would be solved once i got on stage, for some reason, i thought that once i made it up there, i would be transformed into this "athlete" who no longer had any issues relating to food, i dreamt i would remain in good shape and not put on any fat, i would be perfect (in my mind). Well hello and welcome to the real world!! I am still Me!!! i still eat when i am bored, sad, lonely, hungry, PMT etc all the same reason why I ate before. The weeks post comp, i watched myself slip back into old habits and have watched my old body catch up to me again. Then the mind beating starts, I eat bad and feel bad about myself, because i feel bad about myself i eat more comfort foods and so the spiral begins.

Interestingly, i can remember how great i felt pre competition with all the clean healthy food, how clear my mind was and how i enjoyed my body, but sadly even those thougts were not enough to pull me out of the spiral.

The ANB workshop was a good eye opener for me, i nearly didn't go as i was too embarrassed by my lack of control and self doubts, but i am pleased i went. I was given nothing but positive feedback which was very encouraging and I left knowing that all my thoughs, feelings, cravings, dilemas etc were all normal and in fact were shared by a few other competitors there. The weight gain i have had over the weeks is to be congratulated (only 5kg for me, whereas others have put on 9+)and certainly noting to be ashamed about.

I left feeling renewed!

This week i have had breast surgery so am home recovering and getting used to the new profile! My plan for my two weeks home is to get moving more, increase the walking again (not hard to increase from nothing!!) and to eat well. On my fridge is a reminder that clean eating = faster healing this has worked well for the past 2 days with no desire to cheat and eat comfort foods which i am pleased about, just a simple change of words makes it easier, focusing on the positive side of clean food (faster healing) rather than the painful side of clean food (weight loss.. yes to our minds it is a loss which is a negative!)

I have joined a new gym, which although is 15mins away, i think will be a very wise move for me, they have already offered my a sponsorship and training sessions to help me on the way to Octobers comp, so that is very positive. All i need to do is healed up quickly so i can get back into training!!

Hope you will all still join me along my way, i will be adding a couple of links to other peoples blogs, so once you see those, please drop in, say hi and encourage other in their journeys!

Wendy